Monday 22 October 2012

Stella Damasus: It’s Called A Breakup…

Accepting the dissolution of a relationship is just as difficult as accepting the dissolution of a business. When you think of all the time, energy, effort, resources and thoughts you put into the relationship, it hurts that it has to come to an end and you try to do whatever it takes to salvage it, but when would you know to pull the plug?

When medical practitioners are performing CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation), they apply manual pressure to the chest and blow air into the lungs through the mouth, mimicking the natural process of breathing in and breathing out, thereby circulating air into the bloodstream that carries it into the brain to avoid the risk of brain damage.

Pressing too hard on the chest would break the diaphragm which could put a hole in the heart causing instant death or rupture an organ which could be critical or fatal.

I know this sounds so morbid and, all but for some, after a breakup they push too hard and destroy any existing chance that they have to get their partner back.

One thing you must realise is that the breakup may not have been the best thing for you but it could be the best thing for the other person.

Scenario: You have a confidence boost and she has an inferiority complex. You’re fine in a crowd and can relate to people whether she is present or not but she can’t. She always needs you to be there holding her hand, urging and reassuring her.

End result, she’d be too over-dependent on you and she would not be able to function as a single entity. As long as you’re there to hold her hand, she wouldn’t learn to stand alone.

If you ‘abandon’ her, she’d eventually learn to make that adjustment or latch on to someone else. And let’s face it, you’d probably get tired of baby sitting anyway.

As mature individuals I don’t really think its possible for us to wake up one morning and make decisions about significant things.

The thoughts must have been floating around in your mind, you would have slowly been ticking off options for worst case and best case scenarios until lo and behold, you decide “I can’t do this anymore”.

For someone to say, “I don’t want this relationship anymore” trust me, the person really (at that time) doesn’t want it anymore.

Ask why? Was it me? Is it you? Hear the reasons, learn the lessons and head in a new direction.

I read somewhere that if you love someone, let the person go and if he/she comes back, he/she is all yours. Did you know only two per cent came back? Only two per cent were in a state of confusion and just needed a break and time alone to think.

When they do come back, they move to the next level of commitment (which is usually marriage). What happens to the other 98 per cent? They move on and find other people to love. There’s something called “the scrappy syndrome”. You know how annoying dogs get when you “shoo” them away and almost immediately they come back, totally ignoring your wishes and command. People (both sexes) often exhibit traits of the scrappy syndrome after a breakup.

You say I don’t want you anymore, please don’t call me and all they do is call you, bog you, send people to beg you, come personally to beg you, cry for you and seriously piss you off.

You cannot be friends immediately after a breakup. Maybe later but not immediately. The person who got broken up with would not be as receptive as the person who did the breaking. You would both need time apart and alone to create a new identity and to get used to the idea that the other person is no longer in your life (the way he/she once was).

When something breaks, you can patch it back and it would stay for a very long time, but you would always remember it broke especially when you see the point where it was patched. To some, such a breakup signifies a depreciation in value and to others it signifies an appreciation in value (just knowing that they lost their way but were able to find each other again.)

Its called a breakup because something about the relationship was broken and it could either have been fixed or damaged for good. Ignoring the breakage (or the reasons for the breakage) doesn’t make it whole again but mending the breakage shows a willingness to restore it back to its original glory while accepting that something about it has changed. Forcing the object to mend would break something else and the more the breakage, the less likely it would be for you to get it back together in a semblance of something that could be looked upon. Be wise and realise than human-will usually cannot be forced.

This article is a compilation from different people who have experienced break ups and who are in relationships. Thank you all for your contributions and I respect your anonymity.

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