Saturday 30 August 2014

Full List of Winners - 2014 MTV Video Music Awards Red Carpet

2014 MTV Video Music Awards Red Carpet - Full List of Winners
Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa
Kelly Rowland and Kylie Jenner
Jordin Sparks and Jason Derulo
Kendall Jenner and Kim Kardashian
Iggy Azalea and Katy Perry
Adam Levine with wife and Jennifer Lopez
Chloe Moretz and Joan Smalls
Amber Rose and Kesha
Kardashian sisters and Sarah Hyland
Kelly Rowland Gwen Stephanie
Rita Ora and Julianne Hough
Michelle Williams and Miley Cyrus
Taylor Swift and top model Jourdan Dunn
Jenner sisters and Demi Lovato
Ariana Grande and Jessie J
Lavern Cox and Uzo Aduba
Chris Brown and Austin Mahone
Usher and Sam Smith
 Amber and Wiz and Nick Jonas and Olivia Culpo


Video Of The Year
Miley Cyrus: Wrecking Ball
Best Hip-Hop Video
Drake ft. Majid Jordan: Hold On (We’re Going Home)
Best Male Video
Ed Sheeran ft. Pharrell Williams: Sing
Best Female Video
Katy Perry ft. Juicy J: Dark Horse
Best Pop Video
Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea: Problem
Best Rock Video
Lorde: Royals

Artist to Watch
Fifth Harmony: Miss Movin’ On
Best Collaboration
Beyoncé ft. Jay Z: Drunk In Love

MTV Clubland Award
Zedd ft. Hayley Williams: Stay the Night
Best Video With A Social Message
Beyoncé: Pretty Hurts
Best Cinematography
Beyoncé: Pretty Hurts
Best Editing
Eminem:  Rap God
Best Choreography
Sia: Chandelier
Best Direction
DJ Snake & Lil Jon: Turn Down For What
Best Art Direction
Arcade Fire: Reflektor
Best Visual Effects
OK Go:  The Writing’s On The Wall

Female Suicide Bombers may Be Chibok Girls

A growing apprehension has gripped key campaigners of the #BringBackOurGirls coalition over the increasing use of teenage girls as suicide bombers by the Boko Haram insurgent group.

On Monday alone two female suicide bombers struck in different parts of Kano, killing and injuring many on a day Muslim faithful thronged the prayer grounds to observe the Eid-el-Fitri.

Members of the #BringBackOurGirls group, including one of its coordinators, Dr. Oby Ezekwesili, raised the alarm that the continued incarceration of the abducted girls in Boko Haram’s custody could spell doom.

The former education minister stated that the Federal Government must not “move on,” as the Chibok girls may well be indoctrinated or coerced into being used as suicide bombers.

“It feels like eternity since April 14 when our girls lost their freedom. How can we move on like that? This new trend and serial pattern of female suicide bombers surely should particularly worry us.

“Female suicide bombers are again and again becoming the trend and our Chibok girls are still in the enemy’s den. It worries me stiff. Are we thinking? Our Chibok girlsreally need to be rescued from the clutches of evil.

“We must all not stop praying and demanding that the FG acts for results. We have no apology for being agitated. We have nothing to defend for crying out for their rescue,” she wrote on her Twitter page.

Another key member of the coalition, Bukky Shonibare, stated that the number of days the abducted girls had spent in Boko Haram’s custody was enough for them to have been indoctrinated.

According to Shonibare, it is now increasingly dangerous for the Federal Government that boasted of knowing the location of the girls to leave them with their captors.

“Seems abducted women that were undergoing indoctrination and brainwashing while in hostage for years are now being sent out as suicide bombers. However, 100 days is long enough for anyone’s ideologies or principles to be distorted, especially teenagers whose values are still being shaped.

“To know the possible impact of 100+ days on one’s ideologies, psychologists say it takes only 30 days! It is now increasingly dangerous to leave those girls there. Whatever is it they are doing may be counterproductive.

“They (Chibok girls) can be indoctrinated, brainwashed, or put under duress to do this. In the face of death, no sensible human will be a ‘willing participant.’ There’ll definitely be an element of coercion,” Shonibare tweeted.

Political blogger, Japheth Omojuwa, said the resort by the Boko Haram to the use of teenage female suicide bombers might be a technical way by the insurgents to save their men for combat.

He lamented that it was unthinkable that the terrorist group would make use of innocent girls as couriers of death.

Echoing the sentiments of the #BringBackOurGirls campaigners, he added, “You don’t need 105 days to indoctrinate an innocent girl. Some of those Chibok girls may never be ‘innocent’ again. Chibok girls or not, these insurgents are destroying young girls. Again, the girl child suffers for what she knows not about.”

On Facebook, an online commentator based in Abuja, Ugochukwu Osuagwu, expressed concern over the use of young girls in the age group of the Chibok girls as bombers.

He urged the Federal Government to subject the dead female suicide bombers to a DNA test and cross match it with those of the parents of the Chibok schoolgirls.

“How come they (Boko Haram) now have a steady supply of female bombers that are the same age grade as the Chibok girls? It could be that those girls have now been brainwashed to become bombers too.

“Lord Jesus Christ, is this country not finished already? What would a 15-year-old girl be doing with a bomb? Let all the Chibok parents undergo DNA test and compare with the female bomber,” Osuagwu wrote in a Facebook post.

Meanwhile, the Defence Headquarters has said that the crash of a Nigerian Air Force Mi-35 Helicopter in Borno State, on July 21, would not affect the ongoing land and air operations against the insurgents.

In a message on its official Twitter page, the DHQ urged the citizenry to show a committed solidarity to the members of the Armed Forces and other security agencies, adding that the insurgents would henceforth be engaged in what it described as fire power.

“We salute late Flight Lieutenant Nwakile, pilot of the Crashed NAF Mi-35 helicopter. He was a gallant officer. The Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces (Jonathan) has accordingly ordered the immediate replacement of the crashed Mi-35 helicopter and more platforms for fire power.

“Fire power is the military capability to direct force at the enemy. It involves the whole range of potential weapons. The Nigerian Air Force will sustain current synergy with the Nigerian Army in the campaign against terror,” the DHQ stated.

Genevieve Nnaji Photos Before And After

Pretty actress Genevieve Nnaji shared a phto before and after makeup. Tell us what you think is she naturally pretty? -

I had sex with davido in my dream

Maheeda, the goddess of X as she fondly called herself has revealed that she had sex with Davido – in a dream. Maheeda tweeted: “I had sex with davido in my dream yesternight, But why? I no de crush on him, Was fun sha! If na as him do am him dey do for real life hmmm!” When the fans started reacting and asking why she would say such a thing, she tweeted a response saying:”Una too like naughty things Oya I no dream again! Shmm na joke! Oya closed chapter! I no do any davido for dream ah ah?” She’s truly unstoppable.

Why Guyz Cheat? Guyz Will Always Cheat For This Reasons

1. He Already Knows You[Obviously]
 There's something really nice about getting comfortable around each other — guys think so too. But with that familiarity, he loses some of his intense desire. What is always sexy? Mystery, and nothing is more mysterious than the unknown. And what's unknown? What other women look like naked.

2. His Buddy Kevin Did It
If one of your guy's friends screws around without getting caught, your guy may suddenly look at cheating in a whole new light. After all, men are driven to do incredibly stupid stuff if their friends encourage it or do it first — take, for instance, the Jackass movies, or dudes who wear their hair in that spiky, Growing Up Gotti way. So if his pals tell or show him that there are no consequences, he may forget all of the other reasons there are not to cheat.

3. His Boss Tore Him a New One
When a man's ego is ripped to shreds, the quickest way for him to pick up the pieces is by proving he can still attract, seduce, and have sex with any woman he wants...or, alternatively, with whatever chick is still hanging around the bar at closing time. 

4. His Fantasy Football Obsession Doesn't Bug Her
If some other woman isn't aware of his annoying habits and hasn't been forced to endure them for a prolonged period of time, it's like they don't even exist. And seeking out that arrangement is much easier for some guys than actually altering their goofy behavior for their girlfriends.

5. A Hot Chick Just Walked Past Him
Yes, men know women check out dudes — but not in the same way men check out women. Guys immediately imagine ourselves having sex with anyone who's at all attractive, and that constant stimulation can be overwhelming. It's like if every good-looking guy you saw was also writing you a poem while saving injured kittens on his motorcycle.

6. He Can Rationalize It
Men love games. And games are all about how far you can bend the rules. So a lot of guys have very elastic definitions of what cheating is. Hence groping and kissing is fine if it's on a dance floor...and besides, being drunk makes pretty much anything okay...oh, and of course it goes without saying that strippers don't count...

7. He Realizes He's a Coward
Sometimes guys cheat not because they want to cheat, but because they want to end things altogether. He's thinking about the "talk" about the "relationship" that will probably become "emotional" — and who wants to deal with that stuff? So instead, he'll either pretend that he's not in a relationship when it suits him, or he'll behave so badly that he forces his girlfriend to end things for him instead. 

Signs To Know He Is Not Your Guy.

signs he is not the one

The endless search for lasting love can be exhausting, frustrating, and depressing. In a world dominated by social media, serial dating, and a cheating rate of 60% of all married couples, we may questions why we search. We search because we want to be in love. We want to feel that connection and safety with another person. However, making smart decisions when it comes to love is a huge part of this picture. Here are some things to think about, ladies, as you get to know that new guy! 

Signs this is NOT “The Guy” 

1. Mr. Unavailable: If you cannot easily get in touch with him when he lives in the same city, something is up. For a woman, it’s always a little nerve-wracking to reach out to a new guy. If you call him and he sounds annoyed or inconvenienced or only returns some of your calls/texts, maybe this isn’t the guy. 

2. Mr. Invalidation: If they last time he complimented you was the day you met, then this is a guy who does not value you the way you deserve. Not that a man should be falling all over himself to compliment you, but he should be proud to be yours and under no uncertain terms let you know this as often as possible. Any healthy partnership is based on recognizing and making the other person feel good. This is natural to the feeling of love. 

3. Mr. Only Good In the Moment: When you have confusion because you have an amazing time when you are together, but he hardly makes an effort to be together, he may not be having as much fun as you think. If thoughts of you seem to vanish from his mind when you are not around, and he has every excuse as to why he cannot see you, it is time to walk away, regardless of how good you feel it is when you do spend time together. A man who really wants a woman makes the effort to be with her. 

4. Mr. I Want a Mama: If you notice he is always low on funds, food in his fridge and cannot keep his place clean, this man is looking for a mama. He will take from you, allow you to care for him and not value you all at the same time. This is a clear sign he cannot take care of himself. Get up and run. 

5. My Way or The Highway: This guy is inflexible. Things must go his way for any type of relationship to be established. When you are straightforward with him about what you expect he may agree but when it comes down to it, if it isn’t his way it will be the highway, so start driving. Relationships require flexibility in an effort for both partners to get their needs met. All things cannot be based on one person’s idea of timing. 

6. Mr. Quitter: If this man would let you walk away without any type of a fight then he was either never invested, or he knows deep down you are too good for him. Your first real fight will give you an idea if he is a quitter. If you find you have to fix everything when clearly he is in the wrong, you are setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to help fix or nurture the relationship. He would rather give up. This person doesn’t have much self-value, and certainly not enough of a work ethic to value anyone else. 

All of these men may seem easy to spot, but any one or combination of these traits could happen in your relationships and you will be amazed and what kind mental trickery you will do to stay. You will first search every reason, that regardless of what it looks like, that you have enough evidence he does love you. This is happening because the relationship is still providing you with some amount of value, happiness and pleasure; you have an attachment to him and this is hard to let go of.

Vanguard's Richest Celebrity List of 2014(Genevieve Nnaji Is Richer)

The 2014 Vanguard's Richest List is out and Nollywood actress Genevieve Nnaji tops the list with N220 Million! Genevieve Nnaji has been named the richest celebrity in Nigeria. The Nollywood actress came on top of the recently released Vanguard's Richest Celebrity List of 2014 with a net worth of N220 million from endorsements alone. The former Face of LUX has been signing too many deals with multi-national companies for the past year including Etisalat, Amstel Malta, Range Rover Envogue and MUD Cosmetics. Despite missing out from the 'infamou's Glo Ambassadorial list, Genevieve beats big names like Iyanya in second place with N151 million, music group Psquare who came in third with N140million, Wizkid at number four with N101 million and D'banj who occupied fifth place with N100million. Here is the complete list of Top 10 richest celebrities in Nigeria (Vanguard)

1. Genevieve Nnaji: N220 Million Genevieve Nnaji is representing or has represented brands like Lux, Cintrion Energy drink, Range Rover Evogue, Etisalat, Polo and Amstel Malta. The Etisalat deal alone earned her N100 million. Her deal with Polo is in the region of N70 while the Cintrion drink rakes in N50 million for the actress. 2. Iyanya -N151 million Iyanya’s endorsement deal with MTN is worth N60 million. He has a $350,000 endorsement deal with Zinox computers and a N35 million deal with phone manufacturing company Solo Mobile. 
3. P-Square N140 from Glo P-Square’s deal with GLO is said to be N140 million.
 4. Wizkid – N101 million Wizkid’s deal with MTN is worth N45 million, his deal with Pepsi worth about $350,000. He also has an endorsement deal with Guinness.
 5. D’Banj N100 million Dbanj’s deal with Glo is said to be worth N100 million 
6. Don Jazzy – N75 million The Don Dorobucci gets paid nothing less than N50 Million from Loya Milk. He also has a N25 million deal from MTN. 
7. Omawumi – N35 million Omawumi’s deal with Glo is said to worth N25 million. She also has deals with Konga reportedly worth between N5 – N10 million, as well as Mortein & Malta Guiness. 
8. Tiwa Savage – MTN deal worth N30 million Tiwa Savage’s MTN deal is reportedly worth N30 million. She also has deals with Pepsi, Forte Oil and Maggi 
9. Davido – N30 million MTN Pulse deal The OBO has deals with MTN Pulse and Guinness Nigeria. His  MTN deal is reported to be worth N30 million, while his Guinness endorsement hasn’t been made public. 
10. Funke Akindele – N20 million With Vita Foam Nigeria Funke Akindele has an endorsement deal with Vitafoam reportedly worth N20 million. She also has deals with Globacom,,, Klin detergent, Lagos Inland Revenue Service and OMO.

 *Note that this list is based on endorsement deals alone!

Ohakim Officially Joins Guber Race In Imo State.

Former Governor Chief Ikedi Ohakim showed up with his supporters at the PDP secretariat on Okigwe road on Thursday to formally declare his intention to contest the 2015 governorship election.
In 2011, Chief Ohakim lost his re-election to the present Governor, Owelle Rochas Okorocha. 
What do you think about Ohakim's bid to return to government house?

Customs And NEPC Collaborate To Facilitate Trade

The quest to shore-up the nation’s revenue base through the promotion of export trade got a boost yesterday as the Nigerian Export Promotion Council (NEPC) and the Nigeria Customs Service (NCS) agreed to further strengthen its relationship by working together to facilitate trade.
This was disclosed by the Executive Director/CEO of NEPC, Mr. Olusegun Awolowo while on a courtesy visit to the Comptroller-General of Customs (CGC), Alhaji Abdullahi Dikko Inde CFR, in Abuja.

Mr. Awolowo explained that in order to realize the objectives of the Nigerian Industrial Revolution Plan (NIRP) the Council would plan with all relevant stakeholders in the sector to proffer strategies on how the sector could contribute significantly to the nation’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP).
“This informed our earlier visits to Agencies such as Nigerian Export-Import Bank (NEXIM), Nigerian Export Processing Zone Authority (NEPZA), Raw Materials Research and Development Council (RMRDC) among others” when I assumed duty.

On outstanding claims of some Export Expansion Grant (EEG) beneficiaries, Mr. Awolowo solicited the cooperation of the Nigerian Customs Service given their role in the implementation of the Scheme, which is targeted at increasing the volume of Nigeria’s non-oil exports in the international market.

While commending Customs on their efforts at facilitating trade, Awolowo appealed to the Customs’ boss to support the Council in its effort to provide a One-stop Pre-inspection platform for exportable goods through its proposed Export Warehouse Project to be located close to some designated Nigerian seaport.

Responding, Alhaji Inde assured Mr. Awolowo that the Customs was willing to partner the Council to realize its mandate, as “both Agencies must properly synergize on related functions to achieve the common target of establishing a flourishing economy”.

Customs contribute significantly to the development and growth of the economy given the huge revenue it adds to the nation’s treasury which is used, among others, to provide amenities and employment across all levels of Government.

The Comptroller-General promised that the Service would collaborate with the Council in building capacity for its Staff, using its established Information Communication and Technology (ICT) platform as a way of promoting seamless export trade.

Courtsey of Mr Awolowo'S FB page.

Husbands Should Not Be Playful With Their Wives?

Laughter?it heals and every time i get angry,laughter helps me get through...if you ain't laughing,you are in trouble!
''Hello BMB, 1st I must commend your effort on giving people hope and letting them know all will be well no matter what. 
Down to my issue, my wedding is in November ‎but right now I'm not sure I know the man I'm about to call husband. I finished my masters in April and moved down to Nigeria thinking seeing him physically will end all the fights we used to have over Skype and over the phone but my dear it only got worse.

His mum wants to plan my wedding and control everything even up to the pant I wear, and the worse part is he doesn't see anything wrong in it‎. His sister will say all sorts if I don't call her in a week, Infact out of forming sister inlaw I took her along for one of my shopping for the wedding only to get a call from her brother that she said I'm spending too much.

Now down to him, the only time I get to see his smile the most is when we want to make love or when he wants to ask for a favour‎. I used to think that was just his nature since he has a military father until his friend and his girlfriend came to spend a few days with us in Lagos, and since he was on leave I decided to spend some few days with him as well. 
BMB you need to see the way he relates with this girl, they laugh and watch TV together, he even went to get series for the both of them, and left me in the room alone while her boyfriend was out for an interview, at first I didn't know he was home until I heard him laugh.

I later asked him what was so special about the girl or what she did so I could learn and make a better wife and there I got the shocker of my life, he said its bad for a man to be too playful with his wife, that she will never respect him, that he will never let me lack material things but I will be asking for too much if I tell him to be playful with me.

 I cried out my eyes that night, would u believe he told them that I was having migraine and he doesn't want to disturb me, so they all left to the club without me, I woke up around 2am and didn't see anyone in the house only to find his shirt and boxers in the sitting room, meaning he changed in the sitting room so I don't wake up.

BMB this is only little out of the plenty things I'm made to face, I feel very reluctant to call off the whole thing because of my family, the preparations they have made is just out of this world. I don't know if I should just tell my parents or I should just keep fasting and praying and hope all will turn out well.

Please if there's anyone that has ever called off a wedding please and please advise me. Married women as well advice me how you cope, maybe I'm just been a child about it.
Thanks God bless you.''

*Honey the pic underneath is how it should be.....laughter will see you through the storm when it comes.

Alibaba's Must Read Article ''Shout A Loud Amen To Be A Millionaire'' .

I believe In God and confess that his grace got me this far. I often hear that I am lucky. Thank God for the luck. I do not disagree. God promised all his children who call on him to PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE THEIR ENEMIES. My prayer and suggestion is that you must bring something to that table (opportunity) that God has provided. I don't think coming to a place God has prepared for you warrants you to not be prepared. You MUST AS A MATTER OF FACT BE MORE PREPARED SO YOU DONT MAKE GOD REPENT GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY.

David was provided a table before his enemies. He did not get to the table and then ask God for what cutleries to use in dining. He came prepared. And by came prepared, I mean he already knew how to swing that sling. He also did not learn how to select what kind of stones travel faster and do the most damage when the opportunity presented itself. He had faith in God. And on top of that he knew how to work his sling. He did not come to the battle ground with faith alone.

In the same way, he did not come praying for a miracle. He came prepared. He was confident and ready. Do you go to a job interview, with only prayers? I pray you get the job. In fact why go for the interview? Just sit at home and pray. You will be called to resume. MSCHEW !!

The point I want to make is, the story of the 10 maidens is true, even today. But I guess if that same story were told today, some wise people will say, the 5 maidens who took extra oil, were lucky. Yes. They were lucky to have taken extra oil, just in case the oil in their lamp ran out. That's luck. Not that they prepared for anything. It was plain luck.

How about, when Jesus turned water to wine? If the miracles Jesus had performed were anything to go by, Did he need water to make wine? Did he need some few loaves of bread and fishes to feed the multitude? I think not. The underlying principle here, in my opinion, is that you must bring something to the table. You can not bring faith alone. Because faith without works is dead!
And that it is the same philosophy that men of God use when they talk about, seed sacrifice. You must bring something to the table. Prayers alone don't build cathedrals.

In a sense, all I am saying is that, you must buy a lottery ticket to expect God to make you a lottery millionaire. Your name is not going to be announced as a winner without having a ticket number. I agree that with God all things are possible. Sure thing. @tyler Perry DIDNT sit down waiting for God to make his dreams come to pass. He worked hard. So did many people who succeeded in their various careers.

My grouse with all this fast food miracle seeking CHRISTIANS who say amen at the drop or sound of a prayer, is that you can not be expecting a harvest when you did not plant. It will negate the principles that God Almighty himself had set in our universe.

Imagine someone going to the library and reading his books... Plus reviewing lecture notes. Then the day of the exams come. He is sitting next to a guy who did not read ( work) but had been praying to pass (miracle). Certain things are a given. 

Work hard so that God can bless the work of your hands. God did not say pray hard so he can bless your hopes. If wishes were horses...

So let me just say, to all those who read my comments on the purported prayers by the General Overseer of The Redeem Christian Church... That said you were going to be blah blah blah... If you said Amen... Let me repeat here that whoever posted that prayer is in the mould of people I call "blackmail evangelists". 

The same types that say if you don't send a certain prayer, again, sometimes from a purported man of God, to 12 people, something terrible will happen to you... Hey!!!!!!! Have we all become such religion junkies, that anything that looks and smells like a prayer is quickly gobbled down with a loud AMEEEEEEEN!
Really? Like Really?!!!

I have nothing against being prayerful, hopeful and religious. I am all for that. But beyond that, I STRONGLY BELIEVE that if you want to go to Kano, you either get on a private jet, go to MM2 and buy a ticket, board a bus, trailer, hop on a train or any means of transportation or you had better start trekking. No AMEEEEEEN will take you there. Kano farrrrrr!

But then again, come to think of it, I am an ordinary Comedian. What do I know sef about matters of faith and the workings in the spiritual hemisphere? It doesn't even matter, that I read Religious Studies and Philosophy (note RELIGIOUS STUDIES... PLURAL)... What do I know?

*Do you agree with his school of thought?I will sit on the fence on this one...for now!

Olamide – “My Dad Still Doesn’t Support My Music”

Award-winning rap artiste, Olamide aka King Badoo, has revealed that his decision to go into music made his father against him.
According to the artiste, he had to defy his father’s stance of him not doing music because music was all he wanted to do.
He said though his mother was silent about his choice of career, she later accepted the fact that he is doing well, stating that his dad is still not in support him.
Olamide explained that since the father does not support him, he is now a man and has the right to make his own decisions.
Speaking on why he releases his songs in rush, the rapper explained that he does that because he always want to entertain his fans.


Award winning Nigerian author CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE writes another dramatic article on the goings-on in her motherland Nigeria titled THE MIRACULOUS DELIVERANCE OF OGA JONA! Let me warn that it's pretty lengthy but if you have the time then it reads thus: As soon as he opened his eyes, he felt it. A strange peace, a calm clarity. He stretched. Even his limbs were stronger and surer. He looked at his phone. Thirty-seven new text messages – and all while he was asleep. With one click, he deleted them. The empty screen buoyed him. Then he got up to bathe, determined to fold the day into the exact shape that he wanted.
Those Levick people had to go. No more foreign PR firms. They should have made that article in the American newspaper sound like him, they should have known better. They had to go. And he would not pay their balance; they had not fulfilled the purpose of the contract after all. Continue...
He pressed the intercom. Man Friday came in, face set in a placidly praise-singing smile.
“Good morning, Your Excellency!”
“Good morning,” Oga Jona said. “I had a revelation from God.”
Man Friday stared at him with bulging eyes.
“I said I had a revelation from God,” he repeated. “Find me new Public Relations people. Here in Nigeria. Is this country not full of mass communication departments and graduates?”
“Yes, Your Excellency.” Man Friday’s eyes narrowed; he was already thinking of whom he would bring, of how he would benefit.
“I want a shortlist on my table on Wednesday,” Oga Jona said. “I don’t want any of the usual suspects. I want fresh blood. Like that student who asked that frank question during the economic summit.”
“Your Excellency… the procurement rules…we need somebody who is licensed by the agency licensed by the agency that licenses PR consultants…”
Oga Jona snorted. Man Friday used civil service restrictions as a weapon to fight off competition. Anybody who might push him out of his privileged position was suddenly not licensed, not approved, not registered. “I don’t want you to bring your own candidates, do you hear me? I said I want fresh blood, I’m not joking.”
“Yes, Your Excellency,” Man Friday said, voice now high-pitched with alarmed confusion.
“Put that DVD for me before you go,” Oga Jona said.

He watched the recording on the widescreen television, unhappy with his appearance in the footage. His trousers seemed too big and why had nobody adjusted his hat? Next to The Girl from Pakistan, he looked timid, scrunched into his seat. She was inspiring, that young girl, and he wished her well. But he saw now how bad this made him appear: he had ignored all the Nigerians asking him to go to Chibok, and now The Girl From Pakistan was telling the world that he promised her he would go. He promised me, she said. As if the abducted Nigerian girls did not truly matter until this girl said they did. As if what mattered to him was a photo-op with this girl made famous by surviving a gunshot wound. It made him look small. It made him look unpresidential. It made him look like a leader without a rudder. Why had they advised him to do this? He pressed a button on his desk and waited.
Violence was unfamiliar to Oga Jona. Yet when Man Monday came in, his belly rounded and his shirt a size too tight as usual, Oga Jona fought the urge to hit and punch and slap. Instead, he settled for less: he threw a teacup at Man Monday.
“Why have you people been advising me not to go to Chibok? Why have you people been telling me that my enemies will exploit it?”
“Sah?” Man Monday had dodged the teacup and now stood flustered.
“I am going to Chibok tomorrow. I should have gone a long time ago. Now it will look as if I am going only because a foreigner, a small girl at that, told me to go. But I will still go. Nigerians have to see that this thing is troubling me too.”
“But Sah, you know…”
“Don’t ‘Sah you know’ me!” This was how his people always started. “Sah, you know…” Then they would bring up conspiracies, plots, enemies, evil spirits. No wonder giant snakes were always chasing him in his dreams: he had listened to too much of their nonsense. He remembered a quote from a teacher in his secondary school: ‘The best answer to give your enemies is continued excellence.’ What he needed, he saw now, was an adviser like that teacher.
“Sah, the security situation…”
“Have you not seen Obama appear in Afghanistan or Iraq in the middle of the night to greet American troops? Is Chibok more dangerous than the war the Americans are always fighting up and down? Arrange it immediately. Keep it quiet. I want to meet the parents of the girls. Make gifts and provisions available to the families, as a small token of goodwill from the federal government.” He knew how much people liked such things. A tin of vegetable oil would soften some bitter hearts.
“From Borno we go to Yobe. I want to meet the families of the boys who were killed. I want to visit the school. Fifty-nine boys! They shot those innocent boys and burnt them to ashes! Chai! There is evil in the world o!”
“Yes Sah.”

“These people are evil. That man Yusuf was evil. The policemen who killed him, we have to arrest them and parade them before the press. Make sure the world knows we are handling the case. But it is even more important that we tell the true story about Yusuf himself. Yes, the police should not have killed him. But does that mean his followers should now start shedding blood all over this country? Is there any Nigerian who does not have a bad story about the police? Was it not last year that my own cousin was nearly killed in police detention? Let us tell people why the Army caught him in the first place. He was evil. Remember that pastor in Maiduguri that he beheaded. Find that pastor’s wife. Let her tell her story. Let the world hear it. Show pictures of the pastor. Why have we not been telling the full story? Why didn’t we fight back when The Man From Borno was running around abroad, blaming me for everything when he too failed in his own responsibilities?” Oga Jona was getting angrier as he spoke, angry with his people, angry with himself. How could he have remained, for so long, in that darkness, that demon possession of ineptitude?
“Yes Sah!”
“You can go.”

He picked up the iphone and spoke slowly. “I want to expand that Terror Victims Support Committee. Add one woman. Add two people personally affected by terrorism. How can you have a committee on terrorism victims with no diversity?”
On the other end of the phone, the voice was stilled by surprise. “Yes Sah!” Finally emerged, in a croak.
He put down the phone. There would be no more committees. At least until he was re-elected. And no more unending consultations. He picked up the Galaxy, scrolled through the list of contacts. He called two Big Men in the Armed Forces, the ones stealing most of the money meant for the soldiers.
“I want your resignation by Friday,” He said simply.
Their shock blistered down the phone.
“But Your Excellency…”
“Or you want me to announce that I am sacking you? At least resignation will save you embarrassment.”
If those left knew he was now serious as commander-in-chief, serious about punishing misdeed and demanding performance, they would sit up. He ate some roasted groundnuts before making the next call. To another Big Man in the Armed Forces. They had to stop arresting Northerners just like that. He remembered his former gateman in Port Harcourt. Mohammed, pleasant Mohammed with his buck teeth and his radio pressed to his ear. Mohammed would not even have the liver to support any terrorist. He told the Big Man in the Armed Forces, “You need to carry people along. Win hearts and minds. Make Nigerians feel that you are fighting for them, not against them… And when you talk to the press and say that Nigerians should do their part to fight terrorism, stop sounding as if you are accusing them. After all, let us tell the truth, what can an ordinary person do? Nothing! Even those people who check cars, if they open a boot and see a big bomb, what will they do? Will they try to subdue an armed suicide bomber? Will they pour water on the bomb to defuse it? Will they not turn and run as fast as their legs can carry them? Let’s start a mass education campaign. Get proposals on how best to do it without scaring people. When we tell Nigerians to report suspicious behavior, let’s give them examples. Suspicious behavior does not mean anybody wearing a jellabiya. After all, was the one in Lagos not done by a woman?” He paused.
“Yes, Your Excellency!”
“As for the girls, we have to go back to negotiation. Move in immediately.”
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
“I should not have listened to what they told me in that Paris summit. Why did I even agree to follow them and go to Paris, all of us looking like colonised goats?”
From the other end, came a complete and lip-sealed silence. The Big Man in the Armed Forces dared not make a sound, lest it be mistaken as agreement on the word ‘goat.’ Besides, he had been part of the entourage for that trip and had collected even more than the normal fat juicy estacode.
“I don’t want to hear about any other mutiny,” Oga Jona continued. “You will get the funds. But I want real results! Improve the conditions of your boys. I want to see results!”
The Big Man in the Armed Forces started saying something about the Americans.
Oga Jona cut him short. “Shut up! If somebody shits inside your father’s house, is it a foreigner that will come and clean the house for you? Is Sambisa on Google Maps? How much local intelligence have you gathered? Before you ask for help, you first do your best!”
“Yes Your Excellency.”
“And why is it that nobody interviewed the girls who escaped?”
There was a pause.
“By tomorrow night I want a report on the local intelligence gathered so far!”
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
Oga Jona turned on the television and briefly watched a local channel. Who even designed those ugly studio backgrounds? There was a knock on the door. It had to be Man Thursday. Nobody else could come in anyhow.
“Good afternoon, My President,” Man Thursday said.
Short and stocky, Man Thursday was the soother who always came cradling bottles of liquid peace.
This time, Oga Jona pushed away the bottle. “Not now!’
“My President, I hope you’re feeling fine.”
“I received a revelation from God. From now on, I will stop giving interviews to foreign journalists while ignoring our own journalists.”
“But My President, you know how useless our journalists are…”
“Will Obama give an interview to AIT and ignore CBS?”
“No, Your Excellency.”
“I know some of our journalists support Bourdillon, but we also have others on our side. I will beat them at their game! I want to do interviews with two journalists that support us and one journalist that supports Bourdillon. Find one that will be easy to intimidate.”
“I want names in the next hour.”
“Yes, Your Excellency.” Man Thursday now stood still, lips parted in the slack expression of a person no longer sure what day it was.
“Tell the Supporters Club to change their television advertisements. They should stop mentioning ‘those who are against me.’ I will no longer give power to my enemies. They should mention only the things that I am doing. I like that one with the almajiri boy. It shows Nigerians that I have helped with education in the North. They should make more advertisements like that.”
In response, Man Thursday could only nod vigorously but mutely.

Later, after eating vegetable soup with periwinkle and a plate of sliced fruits – he was determined to keep himself from looking like Man Monday – he asked Sharp Woman to meet him in the residence. Not in the main living room, but in the smaller relaxing white parlor. Sharp Woman was the only one he fully trusted. He had sometimes allowed himself to sideline her, when he had felt blown this way and that way by the small-minded pettiness of other people. She was the only one who had not allowed him to dwell too much on his own victimhood. Once, she had told him quietly, “You have real enemies. There are people in this country who do not think you should be president simply because of where you come from. Did they not say they would make the country ungovernable for you? But not everything is the fault of your enemies. If we keep on blaming the enemies then we are making them powerful. The Bourdillon people are disorganized. They don’t have a real platform. Their platform is just anti-you. They don’t even have a credible person they can field, the only major candidate they have is the one they will not select. So stop mentioning them. Face your work.”
He should have listened then, despite the many choruses that drowned her voice.

It was she who, a few days later, and after the four rubbish candidates stage-managed by Man Friday, brought the new PR people, Kikelola Obi, Bola Usman and Chinwe Adeniyi – when he first saw their names, he thought: and some crazy people are saying we should divide Nigeria. They were in their early thirties, with rough faces and no make up; they looked too serious, as if they attended Deeper Life church and disapproved of laughter. They started their presentation, all three taking turns to speak. They stood straight and fearless. Their directness and confidence unnerved him.
“Sir, we voted for you the first time. We felt that you would do well if you had the mandate of the people instead of just an inherited throne. We liked you because you had no shoes. We really liked you. We had hope in you. You seemed humble and different. But with all due respect sir, we will not vote for you again unless something changes.”

He nearly jumped up from his seat. Small girls of nowadays! They had no respect! As if to make it worse, one of them added that if the election were held today, the only person she could vote for was The Man From Lagos. Oga Jona bristled. That annoying man. Even if a mosquito bit him in his state, he would find a way to blame the president for it. Still, Oga Jona could see why these foolish small girls were saying they would vote for him. The man had tried in Lagos. But their mentioning The Man From Lagos was now a challenge. He would rise to the challenge.

“Sir, the good news is that Nigerians forgive easily and Nigerians forget even more easily. You have to change strategy. Be more visible. Stop politicizing everything. Stop blaming your enemies for everything. You have to be, and seem to be, a strong, uniting leader. Make sure to keep repeating that this is not a Muslim vs. Christian thing.”
Oga Jona cut in, pleased to be able to challenge these over-sabi girls. “You think Nigerians don’t know that it is mostly Christian areas that they are targeting in Borno? And what about all those church bombings?”
The three shook their heads, uniformly, like robots. They were sipping water; they had declined everything else.

“With all due respect sir, if you look at the names of bombing victims, they are Muslims and Christians. If God forbid another terror attack occurs, you have to come out yourself and talk to Nigerians. Stop releasing wooden statements saying you condemn the attacks. We will prep you before each public appearance. You have a tendency to ramble. That’s the most important thing to watch out for. Be alert when you answer each question. Keep your answers short. You don’t have to elaborate if there is nothing to elaborate. Stick to the point. If they ask you something negative, be willing to admit past mistakes but always give the answer a positive spin. Something like ‘yes, I could have handled it better and I regret that but I am now doing better, and am determined to do even more because Nigerians want and deserve results.’ You have to start reaching out beyond your comfort zone. Nigeria has talent. Look for the best Nigerians on any subject at hand, wherever they may be, and persuade them to come and contribute on their area of expertise. Especially the ones who have no interest in government work. Even one or two who don’t completely agree with you. Think of Lincoln’s Team of Rivals.”


“Don’t worry, sir. The important thing is to reach out beyond your circle. Oga Segi was not a calm person like you. He even used to threaten to flog people. But he had a good network. Jimmy Carter is his friend. If he needed expertise from a university in Zaria or Edinburgh or Boston, he would pick up his phone and know somebody who knew or somebody who knew somebody who knew. But with all due respect, sir, you don’t have that. Bayelsa is a small place.”
These girls really had no respect o! He glared at Sharp Woman, who shrugged and muttered, “You said you wanted people who would tell you the truth.”
But he listened.

In his first interview, the words rolled off his tongue. Those girls had made him repeat himself so many times. “I want to apologize to the Nigerian people for some actions of my government. We could have done better. No country fighting terrorism can let everything be open. But we owe our country men and women honest, clear assurance that we are taking decisive action, with enough details to be convincing. I ask for your prayers and support. I have directed the security services to set up a website that will give Nigerians accurate and up-to-date information about our war against terrorism. I have also hired specialists to manage the flow and presentation of the information.”
And the words came easily when he shook hands with the parents in Chibok, simple polite people who clutched his hand with both of theirs. He should have done this much earlier; it was so touching. “Sorry,” he said, over and over again. “Sorry. Please keep strong. We will rescue them.”
The words were more reluctant when he wore a red shirt and asked to be taken to the gathering of The People in Red at the park. But he cleared his throat and urged himself to speak, particularly because, as he emerged from within his circle of security men, the People in Red all stopped and stared. Silence reigned.

“I came to salute you,” Oga Jona started. “We are on the same side. My government has made mistakes. We are learning from them and correcting them. Please work with us. Together, we will defeat this evil.”

They were still silent and still staring; they were disarmed. He thanked them and, before they could marshal their old distrust, he turned and left. That night, as he sank to his knees in prayer, he heard the muted singing of angels.