Convener of All Ladies Affairs, Business and Career Forum, Pastor (Mrs) Shade Toyin-Kehinde, in this chat with Bosede Olusola-Obasa, speaks sincerely on the challenges married women face in the quest to balance their homes and careers. Pastor Shade's revelations are very interesting.Below is a brief excerpt from that encounter....
You are a career woman, how often do you cook?
Oh, I go to the kitchen everyday to cook. I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary in February and for those 20 years, I have not had any other person cook for my husband or children. That is not because I can’t afford a house maid, but because I believe in managing my kitchen personally. I cook every day, breakfast, lunch, dinner. As a matter of fact, I have a day in the week dedicated to the kitchen. On that day, I overhaul my freezer; check my fridge to see what I need to restock. I do it on my own. Even as a banker, I did that in a way that it did not affect my job. I did it at the weekends. Currently, my weekends are the busiest, so I chose a day in the week when my schedule enables me to do so. I stay in the kitchen and fix as many things as possible such that I realise that I am good to go for the rest of the week. I can cook anything without visiting the market. I do that weekly.
And I do another monthly overhaul of the freezer. The monthly schedule helps me stock the freezer with meat of all kinds of things in large quantities. My husband can call for any kind of meal and you are sure I have it. Many women need to be tutored in this area. Don’t leave your responsibility to the housemaid, nannies, grandma. It is easier for me now because I could do it as a banker. Those days, I did my large cooking at the weekend; packed them in plastic packs. It is not every day that people love to eat foods stored in the fridge, so sometimes on my way from work, I park my car and do some shopping. A woman should never be tired of the kitchen.
Which part of your house are you fond of?
Wow, wow, I am most fond of my bedroom.
That is where I enjoy the best fellowship that gives me the tonic to keep going. That is where I meet with a man to whom I can pour all my heart. That is where I get the best counsel, encouragement and prayer. I attach the most importance to my bedroom and of course I don’t joke with my sex life – it is an integral part of the fellowship that I am talking about. I know that marital bliss cannot be without sex. I tell business and career women not to joke with their sex life; and I practice what I preach.
As a banker, how receptive were you to sex?
Oh, let me set the records strait; I am busier now than when I was a banker; as a counsellor, pastor and one in a social responsibility sector. Then, as a banker, I had resumption and closing time, and when I had to call it a day and go home. But now, I could get calls at 3am on my duty as a pastor. Sometimes, I am at my desk here in the office till midnight, attending meetings. Sometimes, because of my busy schedule, I don’t have good sleep for three consecutive days. If I could manage my sex life then, it should be difficult now; but no, it is not. I have set things right. I tell married women at all kinds of fora that it is better not to marry than come into it and claim to be tied and unable to enjoy sex – you are courting trouble. There are so many mistresses out there willing to give it to your husband. Let me share a personal secret: when you are tired, that is the time to have sex. It will cool you down, that is the design of sex. It puts your body back when it is about to give way. That is the best sleeping pill – the right sex, with the right man – your husband. When you feel really tired, have a good shower, relax in your bed beside your husband, let him rub your back, you rub his and before you know it, you are there and you will feel really refreshed. I have practised it and I know it. It also cements relationships and settles quarrels.
Are you saying that in 20 years you have never said no to your husband?
Hmmm, there has been no time that my no was outright. I have had to say no only to find out that I have yielded. Before I had this understanding, I, like other women, had the erroneous belief that sex further drains you when you are already tired. I have since learned not to say no; it doesn’t mean that I have sex every day. But on whatever platform I stand to teach around the world, I do say that for a healthy marriage, that a couple should not have any week without sex. When I see couples who quarrel on every little issue, I find out how their sexual life is; then I discover that they have not been there for two weeks, one month, two months. So not a week without sex please