For some of us, finding love isn’t as easy as walking out your front
door. Some people have to work a little harder than others for it. Is
that because they’re less deserving, or is it because their love radar
is a little off. Whatever the reason people do strange, and futile
things to get the love they desire. One such thing is bargaining with
the significant other for a relationship. Here are some ways to
determine if you’re bargaining for love.
What is bargaining a for love?
Bargaining for love can be considered the same thing as compromising.
However, the difference between regular compromising and bargaining is
this. A compromise usually results in a win-win for both parties
involved in the situation. Bargaining typically is more lopsided. You
give only to get very little in return. You’re simply selling yourself
out, and selling yourself short just to have a relationship with
someone. Here are some examples of bargaining for love.
1. You know that he/she doesn’t really want to be with you so you make
yourself completely available to their every beckon call hoping that
they’ll throw you a morsel of affection your way.
2. You allow he/she to use you knowing that this person doesn’t have any respect for you.
3. You don’t stand up for yourself in situations that warrant it,
because you don’t want to risk making him/her mad at you. Their
emotional bond with you is so frail that any little incident will expel
them from your life permanently.
4. They only call, or want to be around you when they need something.
5. You allow them to take advantage of your resources, connections, and
finances knowing this won’t change how he/she feels about you.
6. You allow yourself to be used sexually by this person.
7. You allow this person to lead you on by telling you lies.
8. This person has other women/men that are more of a priority than you, and you still want to be with them.
9. You find yourself giving and giving until you’ve exhausted everything
you have including yourself, finances, and opportunities.
10. This person tells you regularly that they don’t want a relationship
with you, but you still try to form one with them regardless as to the
negative consequences to you.
Why is bargaining for love a bad thing?
This type of bargaining for love is a bad thing because it wreaks havoc
on your self-esteem. Whatever self-esteem you had at the beginning of
this situation you’ll certainly lose by the end of it, because all your
actions diminish whatever value you have for yourself. People with very
low self-esteem tend to find him/herself in this situation. Since they
don’t think that they deserve, or can get someone capable of respecting
them, and loving them like they deserve they settle for whatever they
can get. Usually this means taking any disrespect from the object of
their affection.
A relationship that is created this way is certainly doomed to fail.
When one person doesn’t have respect for the other this relationship
will be weak. Respect is the foundation of trust and love. When both
parties don’t have it you end with a bad partnership. Bad relationships
are horrible situations to be in, and sometimes can be extremely
difficult situations to get out of. If you’re the kind of person who
bargains for love you could benefit a lot by getting out of that
situation, and working on your self-esteem. The higher your self-esteem
is the better your chances of finding the love you truly deserve, and
desire.
Z.R. Moore is a professional life and relationship coach. For more information on this topic, and others please check out her
eBook on Amazon.