Have
you ever felt like you just can’t measure up; like your mind is telling
you “just stay where you are, you can’t do it anyway.” Do you know that
feeling when you have one great idea and then have ten counter
arguments that talk you out of it? Inferiority complex is bigger than we
think. Most individuals and associations would describe it as ‘low
self-esteem or a feeling of intense insecurity, inferiority or the
thought of not measuring up’ but not just that, inferiority complex is a
limitation.
Alfred Adler, who
founded the school of individual psychology, distinguishes between
primary and secondary inferiority complex. The former commonly begins in
childhood when he or she experiences weakness, helplessness and
dependency and may be worsened by comparison to loved ones, adults or
siblings. The secondary inferiority feeling is in relation to the
adults’ inability to reach a subconscious, fictional final goal of
subjective security and success. The absence of achievement could dig up
the initial (primary) inferiority feeling and thus make it a
reoccurring one. It has been a norm to relate the feeling of inferiority
to interpersonal relations with people, but this is not always the
case. The feeling could come as a result of not completing a task, not
getting a job, not being married, losing a partner… the list is endless.
The reality is, the act of feeling
inferior exists in the mind of the individual. For example; I know a
someone who always felt this way but never disclosed it to anyone. We
would be at a bar or a lounge and she’d be life of the party, all before
more guests arrived. As soon as more people whom she felt were better
dressed or looked prettier or richer arrived, she would go quiet and
sit in a corner. Initially I assumed she just wanted to be calm and
relaxed, but then I noticed how she would stare down each individual she
considered to be better than her; which was practically everybody, as
they approached her or passed by. When she told me what she had been
feeling, I said to her “You know when you see a snake and you assume
it’s poisonous and wants to bite your heel? Well it’s just as afraid of
you as you are of it“
Every human being has the inferiority
complex in one way or the other; people just handle theirs in different
ways. For some individuals, it’s as noticeable as a multicolored jacket
that you can see from 10 feet away. For others, you need a closer look.
There is a hunger for perfection in
every human being, either physically, financially or otherwise. We know
it’s unattainable in our hearts, but something gives us hope that it’s
possible to get. Therefore, once you see someone (who in your mind) is
closer to perfection than you are, you start to feel inferior for your
lack.
In my opinion, the constant hunger for
perfection makes the feeling of inferiority stronger and a constant in
our lives. However, there’s no perfection in humanity. Perfection is not
in our design or nature. The phrase: “I am perfect the way I am” is to show that you are already in your own perfect form.
A different type of perfection that is
applicable to only you (the individual) and this is where contentment
comes in. Satisfaction for who you are not only brings out the best in
you, but attracts more of what you want to you.
Remaining in a state of inferiority
comes with envy for the possessions of others and stagnancy in your
life; because you are so focused on what you do not have and what others
do, you may lose sight of what you do have and miss out on how to get
to a place of having all that you desire.
Positivity attracts positivity so when
you are happy with yourself, you start to attract happy things and
situations. You may not have achieved your desired goals in life but it
is important to remember you are trying to achieve what YOU want, and
not what someone else has.
Photo credit: beyondblackwhite.com
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